I’m done thinking about D because i’ve had enough of feeling so lost and abandoned. I dont care if you are never coming BACK BECAUSE I DONT HOPE FOR ANYTHIHG MORE FROM YOU I JUST HAD ENOUGH WITH THIS BULLSHIT I AM DONE. PLEASE DONT ASK ME TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE WANTING TO COME BACK BECAUSE I DONT CARE. YOU LEFT US. AND WE DIDNT. WE STILL LOVE YOU. YOU’RE JUST BEING SELFISH. I HATE MEN. I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE SELFISH DECISION THAT EFFECTS OTHERS EMOTIONS SO DEEPLY. I HATE YOU.

I always hated the fact that i need to lie to them every time i needed a smoke break. I squirm at the thought of having to sneak around and hope that noone catches me while smoking. it sucks. sometimes i just hope that people are more forgiving and they wont judge you for your actions. Sure i am semi- breaking the rules in my dormitory but heck, knowing myself i can’t stay and lock myself behind the lines. Sometimes i wished that there were more girls like me over here. Feeling like an absolute minority and different, feels like i stuck out here like a sore thumb. Btw, yesterday during the so called ‘sociology’ class i had an interesting event that occurred. My lecturer had dissed my race outwardly infront of everyone and noone even bothered to stand up against him. I was debating on equality among races & he shouldn’t be so stereotypical and prejudiced against other races cos we are all the same and the only thing that differentiates us all is the effort and our willingness to work hard over something in pursuing success individually and economically. But he, being as hard headed bigot, he dismisses my opinion and continued sticking to his guns. I find it appalling and simultaneously shocking for a man with a high standard education of a Master’s degree could ever utter such words. I felt so offended and he should have been stripped out of his position of being a lecturer cause it seems like he is incapable to teach us the right way of thinking. He was being a monstrous ignorant and i find it sad cos there is still concentrated racism in this society. sigh.

Sad as like a beaten snail, crushed beneath its fragile shell, burrowed deep and bruised by your heels of spitting hatredness. Done with being pushed around by the ignorance of others, blatantly unaware by the obvious signs emitted by the people around you. Till when you’re going to live in utter ignorance and cold heart selfishness, and only make use of people like us? Those who try to lend a hand, care when others don’t, pick you up when you’ve been thrown, and be there to accompany you. When good wills weren’t recognized. When it is scarce, you bitch on why people don’t act that way anymore. Because we’re tired. tired. tired. 

Our feelings have been hurt. hurt by people like you. Things like these are always non reciprocal.